The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Mom said you looked used
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
