Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
