She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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