I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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