I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
