We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think your dad took our porno
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
