I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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