He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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