her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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