my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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