you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
