peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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