Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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