If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
