I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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