I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
