I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
