What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
