Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
