That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
