You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
