here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
