guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
