If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
