I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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