Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
