When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
