Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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