it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
