i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
we're so committed to being not committed
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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