Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
