i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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