We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
