How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
