his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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