yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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