Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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