I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
