Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
