How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
