she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
