i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
