Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
