my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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