I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
