I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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