just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
