You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
