Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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