Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
