Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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