You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
