I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
