I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
