Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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